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Growing Relationships

Get a FREE psychic reading right now at PsychicAccess.comSome relationships are incredibly destructive. We often begin relationships based on convenience and fail to consider the necessary traits in forming a successful bond with another person. Traits such as trust, unwavering support and encouragement create the foundations for lasting relationships.

When a relationship is borne out of convenience, or because it’s easy or inspired by wild, crazy, uncontrollable chemistry, it is bound to fail. A meaningful connection goes beyond physical presence and physical connection for it be lasting. Granted, these attributes help, but they fail to create lasting relationships.

It is easy to stay in relationships with people who are around us, even if they aren’t serving us. We can tell ourselves that they add value just by their presence because they are convenient. Starting new relationships is work and requires getting ourselves “out there” and “finding” the person who shares our common interests, who encourages our growth and adds value to our lives, because of their unwavering commitment to the relationship and promise to make our lives better. It can take time to find this person and it requires work. But so does anything worth holding on to.

Finding love is like making creme brulee. It may take a few tries before you get it right ~ Crystal Woods

Holding onto old relationships that don’t serve us are tricky and can blow up in our face if we do not pay attention. Aside from creating negative karma by holding onto someone for the wrong reasons, these relationship are a drain; may not be supportive of our dreams and desires; do not help us grow; and are typically with someone who is “taking” not giving, or worse, we are the “taker” and are not giving. In essence these people contribute very little and prevent our growth.

Being alone can be empty and make us feel like a victim. But, a word of caution: victims become victimizers when participating in relationships that do not serve us. We play a dangerous game participating in relational and emotional energies because they bind us and keep us from living meaningful lives. Over time, these negative relationships become who we are and we are defined by them because we were too afraid to know ourselves and too afraid that there isn’t “anything better out there.”

So what to do? The most preferable and the hardest is to fix the relationship. This sounds like the easiest solution, albeit not always possible, but nevertheless worth a try. First, you have to look at yourself and stop blaming the other person. Second, the other person does the same self-examination. People can and do change over time, and so do relationships.

For example, you can change how the relationship affects you by communication and then listening to the other person. For example, explain that you need more support, that you need them to encourage your growth and embrace the changes in relationships. Let them know that they are very important to you and that you love them and appreciate them (and mean it) but that the relationship in its current state is not making you happy.

Remember that you cannot change them, they have to want to participate in the change. When you are trying to change the way the relationship works, focus on your feelings and then ask them how you can add to their life. Listen to what they tell you about how they feel and discuss how you might make the necessary changes to support each other to have the lives you want.  Successful relationships take work and being an attentive listener and then acting accordingly is step one every time you hit a bump.

The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship ~ Henry Cloud

The most meaningful relationships we can have are fresh, strong, supportive relationships that empower us and our mate. Finding a simple common goal such as more having more fun, being joyful and mutual contribution and support to help the other achieve personal and mutual goals that are set make for very happy strong relationships.

How do you do this? By knowing yourself, being present for yourself and being present for them by showing the other person everyday through consistent action and demonstration that you want to be your best as you grow together and want the other person to grow and be their best.

If on the other hand you want to end the relationship altogether remember it can be very painful for the other party to have you walk away. If your life energy is being drained, it is perfectly acceptable to lovingly move on. If you feel you are being dragged into something that is stagnant; communicate. Explain what it is that you need and want. Both people must do their part to grow the relationship.

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