In all relationships, whether it be romantic, friendship, family or co-workers, we all have a communication style. Most of us cannot be put into one category as we may have a mix of styles. Is this a mix of nature and nurture? Yes. We are all born with a personality, but that personality is molded by our parents, teachers, peers and mentors.
I have been the passive, the aggressive and the assertive, and subtypes of each, depending on what I am faced with. I have the ability to switch masks with each situation that is presented to me. I no longer work in a prison, where it was necessary to be assertive and aggressive at all times. Nonetheless, each situation would dictate how I approached it.
Who you are is speaking so loudly that I can’t hear what you’re saying ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Passive personalities present situations with self-dismissal. The fear others will think badly of them or not like them is overwhelming for them. When you don’t share your feelings or thoughts honestly it will ultimately allow others to take advantage of you, especially when you present everything with an apologetic attitude.
Passive people are often viewed as the co-operative, non-demanding, good sports. These are not necessarily the happiest or healthiest relationships, whether it be with a partner, sibling, or co-worker. They can, in fact easily become the proverbial doormat.
I know many passives who have a tendency to have volatile outbursts. After all, very few people can suppress all their feelings, while accommodating others, and not have a negative drawback in the end.
I’m the first person to tell others not to move their boundaries in order to accommodate others’ needs, but I find myself doing it far too often now. The drawback is, after long periods of just going with the flow, resentment builds and I “act out”. Those who know me well, know that I have a temper next to none. It just doesn’t rear its head as often as it did in my younger years.
In my search to find balance, I have had to stop and think before I act or speak. This is not an easy thing to do. When a friend asks me to do something with them, I find myself making excuses if I don’t want to do it, instead of just saying no and leaving it at that. I always feel compelled to try and not hurt them. If I don’t feel like doing something, then I had better have a damn good excuse.
No, there is no need to explain yourself, for when we push ourselves to do things out of obligation and not from the heart, the only one we are hurting is ourselves.
An “assertive” is compelled to face down the issue and find some sort of solution, or at the very least a list of possible solutions. They try to accomplish this by being polite, firm and clear. Being assertive has certainly helped me defuse some volatile situations, by simply giving them the clear truth of the outcome, should the situation continue.
The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives ~ Anthony Robbins
An “aggressive” can be sarcastic, harsh and patronizing. Aggressive personalities make points through verbal demands, body language, pushing the others, and making deadlines or plans with unrealistic expectations. I once read a report that described “aggressive” personalities among the most character-impaired of all the personality types. If someone is aggressive, but channels that aggressiveness in sports or business dealings, they have a channeled aggression. Aggressors with an agenda can be the most difficult to deal with, for there is no compromise, ever. These would be viewed as subtypes of the aggressive personality.
The “passive can also be very harmful, for they look to others for opinions and never have any of their own. A “passive” in a relationship with an “assertive” can be very fruitful for both parties. An “assertive” is more than willing to compromise and may pull the “passive” out of their shell in an atmosphere of safety. Thus a harmonious relationship can be nurtured.
It is most difficult for the “assertive” or “passive” to find common ground with an “aggressive”. The assertive looks at the communication style of the aggressive as a lost cause. The passive will just hand the reigns over, period. If you have one party trying to negotiate openly and the other stopping all communications (except for what is absolutely necessary, like “pass the salt”), where do you go from there? How can one overcome being verbally or emotionally assaulted?
There are times when a professional mediator is the only answer. A willingness is also needed on all sides to learn how to communicate with each other without emotional, physical or spiritual blackmail. It is a monumental task for most, whether is it personal or business. We can’t all get along, or have the same views, but in my humble opinion, that willingness to consider all information before “taking a stand” appears to be the wisest.
| PsychicAccess.com.Isthemus is an experienced psychic advisor with her own Metaphysical Company based out of the Fraser Valley of British Columbia. A natural born empath, clairsentient, clairvoyant, intuitive Counsellor and psychic advisor. Patty still does Paranormal Investigations as well as teaching workshops on how to interpret signs. You can talk to Isthemus at |
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