A couple is getting back together, after a long break, and they both feel some resentment at the other person’s former behavior or reason for leaving. My clients then ask: How does one
prevent the bad feelings or emotions from ‘re-infecting’ or affecting the re-emerging relationship?
For example, you both want to get back together, but you find yourself in that person’s presence and feeling angry. I often remind my clients to mind their thoughts, as their
partners can pick up on them, and the question of how to prevent this emotional transference arises. By this I mean, that the two people involved can pick up on each other’s negative feelings, and then assume the same feelings. Thus, the relationship gets stuck in a limbo-like situation, because both of you feel the same negative feelings about the past.
If one is to maintain a clean bill of telepathic health, how can one alter one’s feelings towards the past, so that you both can move forward in your relationship quickly? I would suggest the following:
1) Identify what your triggers are: By this I mean, what in this person triggers bad feelings?
Is it where you meet? Is it the way you communicate? Is it a past relationship before this person came along, that makes you defensive? When we can anticipate our triggers we can mitigate their effect, by not placing the full responsibility of your feelings on this person.
2) Avoid seeing this person when you are in a generally bad mood, as one can transfer one’s emotions onto the person, and they may interpret your mood as a re-emergence of your resentment.
Before attempting to communicate with someone after a heated argument give it about three to five days for endorphins, adrenalin and any other hormones to calm down in the body. Research has found that five days is about the right time it takes for flight or fight hormones to dissipate.
3) In the other person’s presence, remind yourself to ground your energy, so that your emotions don’t reach out like tentacles ‘reinforcing’ the bad feelings towards the person you love.
By grounding I mean you should take all your emotions and transfer them into the earth, embed your being into the ground, and envision all your emotions draining into the earth. Imagine roots or perhaps a structure stabilizing you from the feet down.
4) Build a vision of the future with both of you. Stop thinking about why you broke up, and stop reiterating your need for closure or control over this pain.
Sometimes, one has to accept that closure comes through giving up control over a situation, and that it cannot be forced by altering the other person’s attitude, through an apology (though it may be helpful)or by hoping the past will change.
The situation is what it is, and accepting the loss will be more helpful than dwelling on the past. The best is to not point blame and to find the original problem and solve that issue. Usually it is a much smaller problem than the original argument. Solve it quickly. It is often the smaller problems, even in the ridiculous scope that need attention, no matter how trivial or trite they may seem.
5) Accept responsibility. This is tantamount as there are always two sides to the coin. One can accept the lesson that perhaps even through all the pain, we accepted being with this person, when we knew that they possibly would not be good for you.
If you really had no idea that you were going to be hurt by this person, accept the responsibility that you are now carrying these emotions, and that you can accept whether you want to limit them, or still feel them. We are the active conveyors of our own emotions.
With some of these techniques, you should be able to start feeling better around this person. Your love interest, friend or family will begin feeling the difference, and this may start a chain reaction of their renewing their trust in you.
Remember that they probably carry a lot of guilt, and guilt is not conducive to bringing you both back together. Forgiveness is absolutely vital, and self forgiveness even more so.
You need to give it lots of time. Most people are not comfortable with that idea.
At the point that this person may not sense as much of your resentment anymore, you should be able to both move into your new beginning easier. This is in essence the practice of forgiveness, but it is also important to remember, that we must forgive ourselves for being in love with someone who hurt us – something that our society doesn’t always accept easily.
Society’s mantra is “move on; leave behind the past; if this person is bad for you, let them go”. But I deal with clients all the time who still want to be with someone who hurt them. Hurt is a mostly normal process in relationships and they have to accept their fallibility and that they are in love with this person. It is natural to miss them, and allow themselves to feel these feelings, even if they feel unsupported, or if they feel they “shouldn’t be with that person”.
Accept that person as you would want to be accepted, and accept the lesson that spirit has sent you. Once that responsibility is realized, you will see the beauty and necessity in the lesson sent to you, and you can look forward towards a resolution, if you are both are meant to be together again.
| PsychicAccess.com.Carmen’s waking dreams have provided accurate glimpses into the future for celebrities as well as political and international figures. Her non-judgmental, Empathic approach, as well as her unique method of Tarot reading, affords her the reputation as a groundbreaker in her field. This European born Canadian is the first online psychic to promote the idea of Empathy and emotional thought transference, and she has written a great deal on the subject. For a comprehensive Intuitive reading that will transform your life, you can find Carmen at |
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