Just like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle I find that many people try to “fit” the personality of their significant other into what they have in pictured their mind. Like the saying “being on the same page”, that can very be difficult if you’re not even in the same book.
Too often, I do readings for people that are trying to make their partners “fit” into their ideals. This rarely works, unless both parties are willing participants to a common goal. That goal is to build a life with that person.
Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others ~ Jacob M. Braude
Communication is always the most important factor, real communication. There is a huge difference between hearing someone and listening to that person. Really hearing what they are trying to say without immediately going into self-defense mode. That is when the fight begins, and then there is no communication, only emotional defensiveness.
I find that there is usually one Giver and one Taker in an unbalanced relationship. The one giving is doing it from the heart and a place of lack within themselves. They just continue to give for a variety of reasons – one of them is because it makes them feel good to be loving. They do get something out of it, but that something can be equivalent to self-soothing. One can only sooth themselves so much.
The other potential payoff is “to love them through this, if I just love them enough they’ll give me back the attention and emotional love I need”. In theory this sounds good, but, what happens when the Taker is just happy to receive? Why put any work into this? I don’t have to; all my needs are being met, it’s all good, right? The less I do the more I get. The Giver is dumbfounded, hurt, angry and resentful..
At this point the Giver is spent. The Taker goes into “shock” when the enabler begins to pull back and not “feed” them anymore. I find it fascinating that Takers are very capable of “stepping up their game” when the feel their comfortable world is being threatened. This instant affection and attention pulls the enabler back in. The Giver is overjoyed and believes that this is the end result of being so loving and nurturing and patient.
Relationship is an art. The dream that two people create is more difficult to master than one ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
Now, feeling good about their relationship, they can be lulled into a sense of security. They have had a breakthrough… or have they? Believe me, when fed, enablers jump right back into “giving it all they have back”. Maybe things will be better now. I feel loved and wanted. Unfortunately, this can be very short-lived. For as soon as the Giver begins to feed the Taker again, the Taker then sits back to “take it all in”.
The problem stems from trying to have a loving relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable. The ‘emotionally unavailable’ are not bad people. They have a defense mechanism that they have put into place, which they believe protects themselves and others from getting hurt. This person may think that they are protecting themselves and are “safe,” when in reality they are not only harming themselves but leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. They can have a “surface” relationship, but not a committed one.
I could compare it like this: the Giver is like the Ocean, they “feel” everything. They are “deep”. The Taker is more like a puddle, “shallow” and truly quite transparent.
Each party are so desperate for the other to “hear” them, they don’t “listen” to each other. I find it so sad and frustrating when I know their energies don’t “vibrate” at the same level, and one party is trying to pull up the other to be standing on even ground. Far too often this is the case. Not even a mediator could help them get along.
They have been brought together for a reason. Often for just the plain fact they needed to learn that what they thought they wanted didn’t quite turn out to “fit,” but they are bound and determined to make things fit – while they are just doing more and more damage to each other. These relationships can be dragged on and off for years.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference ~ Reinhold Niebuhr
Each of these beings deserve to have someone in their life that love them for who they are and they “fit”. No emotional blackmail, no unfulfilled needs. Their personalities compliment each other’s and they have a willingness to maintain their passion.
Passion. Now there is another aspect to relationships that people tend to forget to nurture. There is more to a healthy relationship than just good communication and getting along like best friends. Passion is integral to true fulfillment in a relationship. That fiery need for each other, the dance.
A famous quote goes something like this: ”if you want to make love at night, start in the morning”. Truer words could never be spoken. A relationship is work – real work. It needs to be watered, tended, misted, weeded; you would think I’m talking about a houseplant, but in reality we are not much different.
There is some truth to polar opposites attracting, they can complement each other. What is one person’s strength can be the others weakness. More often than not, these couples have the tools to create harmony within their relationship. They have found common ground and expanded it from there. They have looked for “tools”, like counseling or books to help them understand each other with tremendous success.
| PsychicAccess.com.Isthemus is an experienced psychic advisor with her own Metaphysical Company based out of the Fraser Valley of British Columbia. A natural born empath, clairsentient, clairvoyant, intuitive Counsellor and psychic advisor. Patty still does Paranormal Investigations as well as teaching workshops on how to interpret signs. You can talk to Isthemus at |
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